Issues.

"Why won't you just dance at the show, man?"

"Bleh.."

"You're so good. You come for all practices. You know the entire routine. Why won't you?"

"I don't know.. I come because I want to these days and it's fun. But what if one day I don't feeel like coming for practice?"

"What if you do?"

"I might. But I might not too, right?"

"Your commitment issues are more serious than I thought"

"..."

It's funny when life presents you with relevant metaphors sneakily.

This Post.

I'm probably 27 days too late to be doing a new year post. So I won't. 

This is not a new year post. This is a 'new year, same old shit' post.

This is a post that'd get me back to blogging, hopefully.

You're not wronged. Oh no, sir.

Between the sheets with people with their soft skin pressing against yours. 

Their warm breath fell on your cold face.
You spoke about starry nights and winter mornings.
You joked about ending up together.
Of course, you didn't believe it or anything.
Of course, you're not stupid or anything. But it was nice.
Nice is nice.

It's close to a decade maybe. You both have survived. Together and apart.
You know each other and you don't; all at once. But it doesn't matter. It's nice.

Nice is nice.

This is a post that records the fact
...that the love of my life is engaged to get married to someone who isn't me,

...that the current apparent love in my life just can't let me be or go.
...that the two aforementioned persons aren't one.

I think I secretly wish that they were.

Let's Do It.

Let's do it? 

Let's do it. 

Why? What's so funny?

It's nothing you've not seen before. It's nothing we haven't done before. 

Then why can't we do it right now because I want to? 

Why does it have to be such a secret?
Oh of course
We can only do it when the lights are out, when the neighbours are quiet, when the dog is fucking asleep! 

I am your dirty little secret 

I could tarnish that little 'perfect boyfriend' image you have going on for you
No going 'I'll take you to the candy shop' on my ass, huh? Doesn't work for you? No?
Only going at it under the garb of alcohol mostly? That's your move? Yes?
It's not particularly fun being a mistress; but I guess that's not the point.
Not that I know what the point it.

Sudden Realization #7

'Tip Tip Barsa Paani' song video makes me horny sometimes.
Like, right now.

Fucking Up.

What is it about fucking up that makes it so easy? We all do it almost out of habit. At one moment, we have all that we thought we wanted. Even if it isn't, it's satisfactory. It gives us happiness.
And then what do we do? We go ahead and fuck it up. We fuck it up really bad.
Of course, we always want everything we do in life should be just like in the movies. Only there aren't any retakes in real life just like in the movies. You can't undo in life, man! And what a tragedy that is. So we go ahead and fall in love. Real love at that. You can tell it's true. There is such little truth in the world that you know one when you see one.
And then what do we do? We go ahead and fuck it up. We fuck it up really bad.

We hurt the people important to us. We feel stupid and lost and oh so sorry. We can barely justify it. We have this recurring pain in the general heart area. We realize that you don't die of a heartbreak, you just wish you did. We put everything we love on stake for what, one may wonder. For the sake of pleasure? Happiness? Thrill?

I think we do it because we are basically horrible people.

We go ahead and fuck it up. We fuck it up really bad.

Horrible people tend to fuck up more than the rest.

This Is Where You and I Meet.

Change is a constant. And so is sorrow.

This is me.
Same blog, different url.
I missed you, oh anonymity.

Sudden Realization # 6

I don't think I can ever have the patience to be with someone who does not understand my relationship with alcohol.
Life is hard enough anyway.