Let's Do It.

Let's do it? 

Let's do it. 

Why? What's so funny?

It's nothing you've not seen before. It's nothing we haven't done before. 

Then why can't we do it right now because I want to? 

Why does it have to be such a secret?
Oh of course
We can only do it when the lights are out, when the neighbours are quiet, when the dog is fucking asleep! 

I am your dirty little secret 

I could tarnish that little 'perfect boyfriend' image you have going on for you
No going 'I'll take you to the candy shop' on my ass, huh? Doesn't work for you? No?
Only going at it under the garb of alcohol mostly? That's your move? Yes?
It's not particularly fun being a mistress; but I guess that's not the point.
Not that I know what the point it.

Fucking Up.

What is it about fucking up that makes it so easy? We all do it almost out of habit. At one moment, we have all that we thought we wanted. Even if it isn't, it's satisfactory. It gives us happiness.
And then what do we do? We go ahead and fuck it up. We fuck it up really bad.
Of course, we always want everything we do in life should be just like in the movies. Only there aren't any retakes in real life just like in the movies. You can't undo in life, man! And what a tragedy that is. So we go ahead and fall in love. Real love at that. You can tell it's true. There is such little truth in the world that you know one when you see one.
And then what do we do? We go ahead and fuck it up. We fuck it up really bad.

We hurt the people important to us. We feel stupid and lost and oh so sorry. We can barely justify it. We have this recurring pain in the general heart area. We realize that you don't die of a heartbreak, you just wish you did. We put everything we love on stake for what, one may wonder. For the sake of pleasure? Happiness? Thrill?

I think we do it because we are basically horrible people.

We go ahead and fuck it up. We fuck it up really bad.

Horrible people tend to fuck up more than the rest.

Sixth Deadly Sin : Envy

The feeling of being a bad person is pissing off.

One has this weird feeling in the tummy and also in the chest that proves to be this constant reminder of the fact that being jealous is wrong. I read this thing by Dante a while ago and it said that envy is the desire to deprive other men of theirs. As harshly as that may have been put, it is not completely wrong. I am resentful right now.

But, in my defense, I am resentful but rightly so.

I am not resentful without reason; I never am. However, I think I should be a little bummed when I see someone else get something that is truly mine in the first place. No, that didn't come out right. I am a very liberal individual usually but this sudden burst of my insecure streak is rather new; even for me. I like my importance in other people's life and it's not like it hurts when I see that shaken. It pisses me off.

I remember this time when the-person-in-question's best friend told me how the-person-in-question's 'circle', as it were, has never been consistent. I totally laughed it off back then, saying 'you've been friends since forever now!'; to which he replied, 'hmm. okay then.' I can't believe it's affecting me this much. I don't mean to be dramatic at all but I can't stop feeling what I am feeling. Blah! So pointless.

The person isn't even that important. Really. And for once, I am not JUST saying it. I just like my attention and people adoring me. It just seems slightly unfair if your position is shaken just like that. Whatever happened to all the obsessing over me a while back? 

You know what's worse?

My replacement is soo much like me! She's the same damn thing doing the same damn things!

The messages, the lingo, the Facebook status tags, the works; only soo much less cooler.

I am such a piece of work man and I am getting way too lame for my liking!

Yes, I thrive on attention! From people that matter and those who don't.

I need to make more conversations with people. Like REAL conversations. I love long conversations. Even the most nonsensical ones subsequently makeperfect sense by the end of it. I think too much socializing is coming in the way of mental peace and sanity. Oh! But there's the catch : I am way too insecure and will never stop meeting one million and one people in my fear of losing the 'social butterfly' tag.

Arrrgghhhh!!!! You know how I should feel happy when people tell me I am not shallow? I don't. 

I don't because in my heart I know that even though I am not shallow, I am super hollow.

I think that's worse.

Hating.Self.Right.Now.
A.Lot.