Saturday, February 20, 2010

Must.Not.Die.Alone !

I actually pondered over as to how to begin writing this one without sounding too arrogant or self assured or delusional or bookish or offensive or.. well ..arrogant ! So I think it's best put straight The point being, I am not un-date-able! I would like to support my argument with the information that I have more than enough number of references that go on to prove the same.Cut to a freaking century later(aah..what would girls be without the power of exaggeration!So FINE..A couple of months) since I last dated..All is well; life's good until that one day.

That one day when I was sitting on the toilet seat and having a 'serious' discussion on the phone..Yes! It's the ever gratifying seat where most of my life changing conversations and thoughts have occurred. The discussion was about the sudden abundance of single-hood dawning all over the lives of most of the tolerable people I know. The conclusion was rather amusing. We figured that it's a clear case of 'its not you.its me ' syndrome. We can't blame the unreal number of creeps we are surrounded by because we cannot and we should not compromise on the basic qualities that one must be in possession of, if one must claim of possessing 'human tendencies' of any sort.

So it shouldnt be completely immoral or haughty on my part to list out the things that I, personally, cannot stand in anything masculine!
FEW of the million reasons why I am going to die alone...

PRONOUNCIATION.
You cannot be pronouncing words wrong. It's, almost, illegitimate. How con you ignore basic rules like you bite your lip (NOT sexually) when you pronounce a word starting with 'V' and you round the lips while pronouncing a word starting with 'W'. Simple things go a long long way. Now how hard is it for parents to 'invest' in quality education for their child so that they dont grow up to be jerks with pronounciation issues?!? And  if pronounciation wasnt bad enough the 'accents' make me want to put a gun to my head and press the trigger!

GRAMMAR.
I could've clubbed it with the previous 'issue' but I genuinely believe that this deserves personal attention. For starters, that thing that grows on your head is 'hair' and NOT hairS. Now that we are at it, DIDN'T WENT, HADN'T SAW...etc..is ALL WRONG!! shockin,'no'? Now the good old 'NO', literally translated from our national language. Whatever happened to the "isn't it?" family. I could go on..

CLOTHES.
White pants are not fashion. Period

MUSIC.
I am no musician myself In fact, I understand extremely little of it. However little the knowledge, I will Never Ever Ever call 'Imran Khan' ( of the woofer-amplifier-I- wanna-kill-humanity-with-my-music fame) a musical influence in my life and then dare to think that I am making sense. YES ! I have had real encounters with a few of these.

CONVERSATIONAL SKILLS>
Even if I generously overlook all the above, how can I be with someone I cannot converse with? It's not humanly possible to make that work.

These, with a few other 'tests' along with the smaller ones ('he's not a messy eater'. 'takes bath by choice'. 'doesnt ALWAYS think about sex'. 'gets along with my friends'. 'a little money wont hurt'..yada yada..) determine the type one won't mind dating. As shocking as it maybe, I have found none in the entire freakin' city!
Okay. That would be a lie. I have found a few. Some, I have dated too. Most are my best friends. But the species in extinct now! It's clear. The universe is conspiring against me!

Sigh.

Not to self: Must.Not.Die.Alone !