Monday, December 13, 2010

She Talks To the Wind

Claire Dunphy (from Modern Family, on her mother): 
You know how growing up we all have that voice inside our head that tells us we're not good enough? Well, mine was outside my head driving me to school...

Now let's replace the 'mother' with 'father' and let's get real and establish that there has hardly ever been any 'driving me to school'; that would pretty much give you the story of my life.

I remember this one distant afternoon when I was being told in rather beautiful words and actions about my worthlessness in the world, in general. I remember the afternoon because it had made me cry after, what seemed like, a century. 
Even though I tried, a little tear rolled down while he was looking at me. 
"Shit! Sometimes I REALLY do screw up!", I thought then.
I walked out of the house after and thought the 'bad' of the day was already over.

Through her car window's glass, I smiled at her.
She smiled back.
I sat in the car and she was the first person who had ever got my actual mood without knowing the story.
"What's wrong?", she said.
And just like that, in that one second, I knew;
Yes. 
My father exists. 
But so does Niharika :)
I had seen her after her haircut that day. After really really long.
'The day won't suck as much now, maybe', I thought.
It didn't., she made sure.

It's been almost year, I think; 
I still don't know her. She doesn't let me. I respect that. At least, I try really hard to. She's the only one out of the three million people I know who makes me feel like a stalker. I have to fight a lot of my natural instincts only to not bombard her with my presence all the time via the damn cellphone! It's harder than in sounds, really.

Nevertheless, 
I don't think I will ever get over the fact that I intimidate(d?) her!
I don't think I will ever get over the fact that what made me want to stalk her in the first place was 'Gupt'.
I don't think I will ever get over the fact that they didn't serve her booze at TGIF 'cause she's underage. Hahahahahahah. And how she totally blamed it on me. The pizza was nice, though.

Thank you for having crappy pizzas with me all the time.
Thank you (even more) for ze divine elbow.

She doesn't take my calls.
She doesn't reply to texts.
She thinks I am a cheat.
She makes me wait, only to not show up in the end.
She doesn't think of me; not much, anyway.
But she came for my birthday. 
And stayed till the end.
Even though it sucked for her, she stayed.
I am going to thank her for that always.
When she walked in (overtly dressed up, might I add :P), I swear it was the happiest I had ever been. 
Okay. Maybe not. But that moment easily figures in my 'Top Five Happiest Moments In Life'.
It does!

I like how she lets me hold on to her arm and walk around.
I like how she makes fun of other short people while I hold on to her arm and walk around.
I like how she finds me every time I get lost 
I like how she allows for all the elbow touching I put her through.
I like how she remembers that I remembered her chappals some day,one thousand years ago!
I like how she calls me a 'different generation'.
I like how she sometimes makes time for me.

I think my cigarettes taste better with her.
If only we'd decide to watch better movies too. Sigh. :P

Oh well, Hariyaliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.
I hope you're feeling happy today!
Because I Love You.

P.S- You beautiful smelling person, I NEED a picture with you.
P.P.S-  'I Talk To The Wind'- King Crimson is the song that makes me think of you. Always.