I don't understand the fixation, really. I understand how it may have been over a year since I the last time someONE was 'officially' my boyfriend but I haven't really been a state of drought post it, you know? I've dated, yes. I have been with people, yes. I have been happy, yes. I have been receiver of love, attention and all that, yes. I have had my share of 'turning people down', yes. Then why must my decision of remaining ....errr.... not single but..or...okay; let's call it that; my decision of remaining single- why must it be the reason for so much stir?
'Single' is a highly debatable term, really. How can anyone be 'single' ever actually? There would always and I mean ALWAYS some sort of emotional or physical (or both) inkling or attachment to atleast one person at a given point o time. So then are you really single single? I don't know what to call it. Somehow, the 'it's complicated' tag is too cliche to figure in my books. A full blown Relationship is a big deal and I see no reason that justifies anyone's questioning anyone else's need or choice of taking a sabbatical from it. So when my attempts of sounding polite while making my point seem potential failures, I let my trump card out; 'What is it that you have when you're 'with someone' and didn't when you weren't?' The general answer to the same : 'It's nice to know that your presence in someone's life makes them happy. I get to have sexual intercourse. And it's a happy feeling mostly.'
Am I missing something? I know people who are glad that I am part of their lives. I have lots of sex. I am sufficiently happy too. So where's the catch? Nowhere, really. I have had my share of 'relationships' for now and I have had my share of the drama and excitement and the hurt it brings along with it. I have had some very nice men in my life all these years and some very nice ones still; why must I have to 'be in a relationship' to enjoy their company and more? I have always cracked up at this quote I had read by Janis Joplin a while ago, 'Oh Lord, won't you send me someone nice to flirt with? Someone really cute who I won't get hurt with?'
But, like, right now. It's such a nice weather; winters! I truly genuinely believe that all the romance of any kind we have been fed over these years across books, movies and all that has been inspired by this very weather. Rain eroticism came much later, I believe. I smell beautiful in winters all the time; it's unreal how I do but it's true- All The Fucking Time! My hair decides to behave especially well during this time. Also, I have bought some beautiful clothes and beautiful-er lingerie this season which, almost automatically, paves the way for some very passionate action.
We hooked up this Saturday. Ross and I. Amidst all the cooking, laughter, conversation, sex, leg pulling, plans and secret sharing, there is one thing I know for sure now- I need a boyfriend only so that I can wear his shirt over my tiny shorts and jump all around his apartment. There is nothing more cheering and satisfying; Nothing else that brings real joy to the heart.
This is the only time I am going to say this ever, but...
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I am almost waiting for the summer, this time. I am going to wear his shirt over my tiny shorts and feel happy from the inside all the time. It's gratifying, this feeling of being wrapped around by someone you have a twisted-ly awesome past, twisted-ly pleasing present and a very twisted-ly questionable future. :P
The title is a line from 'City Love' by John Mayer. I thought it fit rather well, this idea of stealing your guy's clothes. The fact that it's also a beautiful song makes it even cooler.
