Sunday, August 22, 2010

Halfway Through.

I have come to the realisation that some things in life are probably always going to suck just as much as they always have. There is not getting away from them. Ever. "Point Blank".

Of late, our household has become just a bunch of fights. I don't know when or how it started but now it just is like that. It is unbelievable, the amount of noise the only three members of a 'family' are capable of producing. I am scared to imagine life, had there been more of us. The irony of the whole thing being, that we hardly stay in the house, for most times. My parent's don't see each other all day, courtesy work; I come back  late in the evening; sometimes, don't come back, at all. STILL, somehow we manage to scream at each other all the fucking time- on texts, on calls and it is, indeed, a fight ring when in person. All of this sucks, really. I don't understand how parents think that they shouldn't get a divorce 'for the sake of the children'. Just how exactly is their constant bickering together helping ze 'children'. Anyway. I think we are halfway through. Halfway through making whatever little home we had into a house.
Also, considering how we are such merry people together, I have called off the 'movie date' with the man i am supposed to call father. I just didn't see it working out.
I am Halfway Through, though. I am halfway through telling him how he's going to be stood up tonight. Maybe I'll text.

"They say there's linings made of silver...folded inside each raining cloud..." :)
 I love rains though. I can just sit still, with a smoke in my hand and look at it pour till the end of time. Something about it gives warmth to my heart. Secures me. The other day, my friends and I were stuck in the rain. All roads were blocked. The traffic was as bad as a runny nose, dry cough and your monthly period, all at once. I was, however, given a lift almost halfway to my house. Between getting off the car and convincing a  rude auto chap to take me to my place, one of my slippers decided to break up with me for the sake of swimming in the huge ass road for a puddle created by the pours. I, very embarrassingly, almost ran after it till a point and then finally decided to give up. I saw it from afar as it went dancing from under old trucks to posh cars and paved it's way through what seemed like the stairway to heaven. The fact that those slippers were one of my favourites, didn't help at that time. So I limped till my auto, got in and placed my bare foot on the 'clothed' one and reached home. Amidst all the traffic, collected water, road rage, abuses, paan spits, sewage water splashes, crazy hair, washed out kajal and wet cloth bag, this crazy yet simple smile never left my face. I just kept looking around, smiling like a fool thinking about things that made me happy. What saddened me was that I failed to think about so many things that made me happy earlier. It was hard for me think about things out of the ordinary to put on my 'Happy List'.
I am Halfway Through, though. I am halfway through re-writing that list in my head. Shall complete soon. Amen.

Sometimes it's disheartening to find out things about yourself. Like right now, I don't think i possess any original and fun insights on love, life, rainbows or even pantyhose!
I need scrupulously material things to constantly define myself. 
I don't laugh like mad, every time i want to, in the middle of a street. 
I don't dare to wear converse with my feminine dresses, just because I felt like it. 
I don't just strike a pose and feel like a rockstar every time I'm low. 
I don't call up my school friends, barring one, as often anymore. 
I don't think I can be more than one things when i grow up to work, anymore.
Hell, I don't even watch as much Tv, anymore.
I need to buy expensive shoes with imitations of branded bags  after a pedicure session to feel good about my existence. Gone are the days when Coffee seemed special. I have started taking most things for granted now. 
Anyway, I bought these real cool wayfarers and basic pink frames. Both for new glasses. Yes materialism continue to ruin my life.
Also, I look into the camera a lot. However, of late, I've taken a slight liking for more 'natural' clicks. Hence,
I think I'm Halfway Through, though. I am halfway through stopping being so much of a poser.

oooo. I hear rain now. Going to embrace it in all it's abundance.
I dread the day I don't get this excited about it. I don't think I'm ever going to get over it, though. I want to be Halfway Through.I want to be halfway through getting over the thought of getting over the rains.

Also, I have fallen in love with Patrick Swayze [RIP, you :( ]. Dirty Dancing never gets old. Ever. I cannot say anything more now. Might wet myself. 
err.. I'm Halfway Through.