Friday, December 10, 2010

"P.S... Guess what? "

I think you are finally put under the same header as 'Grown Ups' when your mother officially allows a drunken marathon of a House party at your house and voluntarily chooses to stay away for the day!
Greatest Party Ever?
I think so.

Few reasons why I am going to remember this for a while...

  • It was at MY house :D
  • He-Man came :) :) :) And helped me clean later and was, I think, the only 'sober' guy at the party.
  • Jaya and Preeto might win awards for Absent-ism
  • I have a hickey from the party and the who/when of the matter remain unknown.
  • I had to un-clog my sink off Denzil's puke *throws up a little*
  • I got very high
  • It's been only two days since, yes; but people haven't shut up about it yet so yay. 
The good life.
It would have been even better had life included slight dozes of studying, less mental complications, very little melancholy, Niharika, great food, no body weight, lots of money, less classes, more winters, no stalkers..
I am half serious about the last one. Stalkers make me feel important.
Yes, I am a lame person.
Sigh.

Infidelity? Unacceptable.

There are no claims of being a Saint, here. The Universe knows I have slipped and flawed a lot more often than I should be allowed to. However, if there's one thing that I was never going to be okay with was infidelity. The line that divides 'promiscuity' and 'infidelity' maybe thin, alright; but it still exists. The choice of meaningless physical intimacy without emotional vulnerability is one thing, cheating in a committed relationship is quite another. To each their own, yes but ethical grounds should never be marginalized to a level too low.

So we've gotten back to talking since a few days now; Ro and I. It's all new and nice; the butterflies in the tummy are a little limited since we've been through this a few years back. There are some changes, obviously, between then and now. Both of us have matured, perceptions have changed, we want different things now, food habits, wardrobe...relationship status. 
Ya. SO he has a girlfriend now. 'In a relationship' since a year and going strong. 
It isn't a not known fact, that for him to have lasted this long with any girl is a huge deal and I am very happy for him. I really am. Only, I am not too sure about his sudden change of affiliations towards me. The fact that I know the girl-in-question in person, doesn't make matters easier, either. The fact that he keeps passing most of my little 'tests' that I sneakily slip in every now and then, is also not cool, given the scenario. 

To wash my hands off it, I can very conveniently say that I am not the one bound by a relationship and hence I am not at fault. But that would be a lie. 

Doesn't it make me equally guilty if I go ahead with things, well aware of the facts just stated?
I think it does.
I know it does.

In my defense, in all the conversations and time spending over the last few days I have consciously brought up  questions and general things about ze girlfriend which, very sneakingly, he's avoided, changed topic, same ol' same ol'.. 
Predictability bores me the most! Yawn. 

After listening to some eccentric (read: inappropriate) plans by him on his idea of spending the weekend with me, I settled for a movie+dinner 'outing' and not 'date' this Saturday. I figured that being friends I am supposed to spend friendly time with my friends and that is exactly what we're gonna do-
Watch movie, throw pop corn at each other, talk, eat food, come back.
It's as simple.
It's not like it can't happen; I am going to make it happen for nothing else but for the fact that infidelity is unacceptable.
Always was. Always will be.

Existing.

So this 'being off Facebook' thing isn't going down with me as well as I thought it would.
Nevertheless, I am fighting all my natural urges to activate my account and doing other things to occupy all the time in the world that I am suddenly exposed to minus Facebook.
Yes. All claims of Facebook having taken over our lives are, in fact, true.
It is very very VERY hard to resist this particular 'global disease'.

They ask me why I am so addicted.
I don't have any answer that doesn't reduce me to sounding like yet another attention seeking wannabe emo person. I wouldn't have had qualms about this perception if only it was true. It isn't attention seeking at all.

It's a weird feeling; waking up to an empty house.
It's a weird feeling; not having someone giving you breakfast.
It's a weird feeling; when the first thing you do in the morning is to be by yourself.
It's a weird feeling; when it's too early to call anyone on their phone.
It's a weird feeling; waking up to an empty house.

So then there's Facebook. The world never seems to sleep there. There's people galore at all times of the day. People who share statuses, messages, pictures, notes...a slice of their lives with you at that hour of the day when you really think you got no one else.
And they ask me why I am so addicted...

Facebook! I miss you, lover.