Wednesday, June 4, 2014

People's person.

As much as I need people around me, I think I am too much of my own person. 

We could rephrase that maybe. 

I like people around me, it keeps me occupied. Over the years, I would like to believe, I have managed a choreographed detachment with most of them. Or maybe that's how I choose to flatter myself because at the end of the day, they're people; and people are all I've ever known. Or had. 

I haven't indulged myself in too much world cinema, I have read only a few books, I can't tell one music band from the other. It is clear that I am probably the strangest creative person one might come across; presuming I am creative at all. But all my thoughts are based on people...stories people have told me, theories I have heard from people, things I have observed from people, skills I have picked up from people... that's all I've ever had. Of course, most part of any relationship you have with anyone, good or bad,  is in your head. So have all my interactions over time been my own projections? I couldn't possibly be that cool. Because that would mean that I have just had a version of people that worked for me. 
That's like having an apple pie instead of an apple when you want to keep the doctor away. 

I've often said that lack of writing is almost always a sign of the lack of misery in your life. 
I'm writing again. 

I think I'm dependent on people for doing things for me, sometimes even emotionally. 

But I think I am too much of my own person to be somebody else's.