You get twenty five whole years to ''grow up',' and I get just two decades. It hardly seems fair.

Honesty.

It's funny how nobody else thinks honesty is selfish. 

If I screw up real  bad, then being honest about it is going to free me off the guilt.. clear my conscience... the works. However, it is going to hurt everyone else involved. I am trying to protect them by nor revealing the truth.
I've always been on my high 'i-never-lie' horse when in fact I've often held back.
They say it's equally bad.

All I'm saying is that having people close to you bear the brunt of your actions by virtue of truth. hardly seems fair.

I don't know what I'm saying. I hardly do now.

Holding Hands and Other Redundancies.

The sudden hugs from the back when she is pretending to sulk about something silly he said. The 2am 'I think I miss you' call, when in fact they hung up at 1am. His sudden disappearing for a few hours just to tease her. And sometimes just the sitting together quietly with his arm in hers. Setting the sun by the lake. Then making the moon appear at night. The wandering through Mumbai streets at the heart of midnight. The speechless listening. The having his breath drop on her ears. Her hesitation in throwing around "I Love You" like chewing gum wrappers to him. The realization, however subconscious, that it might mean something more than she'd have liked. The smiling foolishly over text messages. The staying up late at night to talk about nothing whatsoever. The extra cigarettes she smokes just to make him stay longer. The sudden urges to touch him. The bites on his arms that she affectionately brands him with. The feeling she gets of being owned; not by force. The feeling that's so strong that it almost makes her believe in the redundant 'human' concept of marriage, however fleetingly.

Not Her Marriage, Though.

That's just not happening.

It all feels hugely stupid to her. Stupid, to say the least.

Nevertheless, It's all happening after a long long time. Maybe that just makes it nicer.