Qba. Q-bad?

"Q is Qomplicated only!"

"K is Komplicated too!"

Toast.

I feel especially hot today. Not the kind where I burn up given the fucking Delhi weather but the kind where I really believe I must get some because 'whoaaa!! what a hottie I am!'.

Either way, I'm toast.

It's been a while since I felt this way. Just generally most days have been the kind where you just want to mope around in tiny denim shorts and over sized t-shirts. And probably eat toast. I could easily credit it to all the approaching exams and my general disregard for each one of them. I wish I get through Bombay though. And all the people I like follow me there. Any help on accommodations would help. But it's not like I'm getting through. Of course, there are the Universities exams; which they should just sack given the general disinterest among one and all. But I don't make the rules. If only, I did. 

I am all cynical about everything. At least for the coming two months. I have actually completely thrown my idea of sexing my way to the top. I don't think it'll work out like it does in my head. Also, I don't think I'm winning a lottery; at least not any time soon. I still know I'd have my own nice house though. Again, not any time soon. But today isn't about complaining. 

Today is about feeling hot. And acknowledging your huge lips!

Today is about not giving a fuck.

Today is about being a couch potato.

Today is about harmless flirting with cuties.

Today is about potentially getting laid.

Today is about feeling hot...

like a yummy buttered warm toast.

Toast.

Such a cute word, that!

Vam Bam.

"You wanna get drunk on the exam day? We should, I feel"

"AFTER yeah. I could...
*pause*
I am verifying because someone had suggested the same but had actually meant before"

Arrogant Bastard.

"People like you don't change. You're still the same. You have the same eyes..
you were the naughty little puppy dog eyes...
only now you're the puppy dog eyes with pouty lips."

Secret Lovers.

Eyes light up when you look at them

It needs will power to keep your hands off them

You can't be all over each other

You can tell your people are looking at you.

You'd talk through the night anticipating the next day's meeting

But you can only go as far as mild brushing of the elbows

You can't even sit too close

You can tell  your people are looking at you.

But you know what you feel and it's as true as true gets

There's such little truth in the world that you know one when you see one

So you take days off every now and then, to get away 

You know? 'Cause you can tell your people are looking at you

And then  it's just you and them and everyone aside

You pretend to be all grown up and do all that you can't among others

It's your special time and you don't give a fuck if they put the spotlight on you

Because you can tell that none of your people are looking at you

Because they can't no more

It's your time to shine

And then you realize

That maybe

It's no great love until it's truly truly precious

And that

Perhaps

It's not truly precious until it's a well kept secret.

Sudden Realization # 1

All I have ever really wanted is for something/someone to make me as happy as Kuch Kuch Hota Hai does.

Balloons.

India Gate was the pretend-like-everything's-alright-in-the-family venue for most of her childhood. Only, there was probably little pretense back then; at least on her part. In retrospect maybe years later, she realizes how she was probably the glue keeping the miserable family of four together, who needed to pathologically ignore their feelings in order to survive. At least two out of them had to. She would often credit her happiness to her weak memory. She had this magical filter since the day she was born wherein she could easily forget everything she didn't want to remember. What a blessing that was! Is. But sometimes in the little tug of war between magic and memory, memory wins. Sometimes.

"I want a balloon", she said.

"It'll burst. No point.", he said. 

That was that.

I want a few balloons strung together for my birthday. 

I wish October comes soon enough - 19th October. Everything makes sense then.