Survival.

I got inked today :)

I still maintain that the most negative aspect of getting a permanent tattoo is, ironically, it's permanence. One can't hate or love anything or anyone forever. 'Forever' is intimidating.

Anyway,
Tattoo-making hurts like hell, yes.
But it makes you realize how pain is serene.

Like they say, "pain is temporary, pride is forever"

I don't know about the 'pride' bit yet, but the pain is going away.
The pain from today and that day.

Still gives me the chill though.
But I'll live :)

Even though it's anonymous, it's still ominous

Anonymity could easily be a virtue.

I understand how one might think it is a sign of lack of courage. But let's face it! Who is that brave, anyway? Haven't we all, at some point or the other, wanted out?
Don't most people have the power of invisibility as one of their (hypothetical) three wishes?
I think anonymity is a weapon, really. I get how it's ethic may be questioned based on how one might want to hold  a point of view and yet have nothing to do with it but I think everyone does it every once in a while. The good old "Don't tell her/him I told you, okay?" is nothing but a tiny quest towards anonymity. Plus, there are those things that you want to tell people; special people; but you can't because it is too much of a truth. Wouldn't you love for you to be able to say it to them, without them knowing you did? Of course you would.

Think about this : Choosing not to be anonymous makes one just as much of a 'liar/fake' as never having it in one to say what one feels, because one has to use one's identity.

I like this concept of 'identity-crisis' sometimes. Well, I like it when it is not a 'crisis', per se. I think it would be pretty cool to go name-less and identity-less every once in a while, if not all the time. In 'Through the Looking Glass' by Lewis Caroll, (which is a sequel to Alice In Wonderland, by the way), Alice reaches the 'Wood without names' and finds love in a Fawn. I think it's beautiful how they fall in love regardless of their lack of names. It makes one wonder of the metaphoric value here. The lack of names, labels etc make for good co-existence. It's only when they step out of the wood do they become aware of their differences, courtesy their gaining back of names.

I know I am transgressing. I am just soo dreamy right now.

I would like to believe that my blog is fairly anonymous; though I happen to go to and fro on that stand.

Anyway, I think being anonymous is pretty cool. And though I am an extremist when it comes to honesty and its essentiality , I think 'anonymity' paves way for a broader spectrum of points of view, as it were. It is just as valuable a thought, if not more. I understand how people might take undue advantage of the privilege; nevertheless, it's impact, power and influence shouldn't be underrated or underestimated.
I am reminded of this quote I read somewhere. I think it was by some Professor in some University.
It goes:

"Even though it's anonymous, it's still ominous."

Very sleepy now.
I know I hardly make sense anyway; more so when half asleep.
Good Night.

P.S: I think it's only fair that I include a little 'shout-out' to SHE. :) You make me smile too much.

Starry Nights.

GET THIS.


This entire hoopla around the New Changed Zodiacs, true or not, is definitely bugging.
I am not a big believer or understander of Astrology, as it were. But I have taken fragments (if not all) of my identity from my sun sign Libra. To change from that to be a Virgo suddenly is beyond comprehension. Isn't the topic of Astrology a little like that of weather? It's a conversation starter.
"What's your sun sign?"
"Lib...err...Virgo! I guess!"
It's going to be rather awkward.


However, if you come to think of it what if this is the beginning of the end, as it were? The whole realignment of the Sun and the Earth; what if this is part of the whole 2012 end-of-the-world? I am a believer of the possibility of 2012, yes. 


Capricorn: Jan. 20-Feb. 16. 
Aquarius: Feb. 16-March 11. 
Pisces: March 11-April 18. 
Aries: April 18-May 13. 
Taurus: May 13-June 21. 
Gemini: June 21-July 20. 
Cancer: July 20-Aug. 10. 
Leo: Aug. 10-Sept. 16.
Virgo: Sept. 16-Oct. 30. 
Libra: Oct. 30-Nov. 23.
Scorpio: Nov. 23-29. 
Ophiuchus: Nov. 29-Dec. 17.  (Yep, this one is new)
Sagittarius: Dec. 17-Jan. 20.


I have always liked my star sign. I have always thought I fit the bill in terms of characteristics, traits and all that jazz. Now Virgo just seems painful and boring! Yawn.


I just never thought anything like this would affect me, however minutely. 
I feel like I am facing a like of an identity crisis here. 
Yes. Sometimes I exaggerate.
Most times I don't.
Do the math.

I found it hard, it's hard to find. Oh well, whatever, never mind...

This entire 'game', as it were, was so much more easier only a few years back.


Things were easier to end. They didn't matter as much.
If the guy called it quits; she would cry, friends would help, he would 'become' a bastard.
If the girl called it quits; he would abuse, friends would help, she would 'become' a slut.
It really was as simple.


Today, however, things are not the same. There'e so much emotional effort and taxing politics that goes into it.  One's never quite there. It's strange but true. One's either trying and getting into a relationship or getting out of one. The 'in a relationship' seldom occurs. Call me cynical, if you will, but maybe it's a the generation and it's big baggage full of a hell lot of crap that smells of commitment issues. But honestly, it's like nothing is permanent. I hardly know happy 'parents', you know? But then is that really a bad thing?? Nothing is permanent; not even the happiness in other people's lives. How ever bitchy/nasty, it isn't completely false.


I really have very vague memories of  the last time I was 'going out'. Ah! The lousiness of the term makes me nauseous. Anyway, when exactly do you start to 'go out'? When exactly are you friends enough to be in a monogamous relationship? When exactly do you start sharing too good a friendship and hence rule out the possibility? 
Vague memories. Forgotten reminiscence. 


The idea of 'The One' is obviously a freaking utopia. But even on realistic benchmarks, the build up is hard at the moment. There's no right landing.
There's Mr.Right and Mr.Right Now.
The former is not in sight. It makes you wonder, hence, if the latter is worth it at all?


Like Trishi put it just right in one of our million moments of enlightenment: 
'Either you are in a relationship since d past 10,000 years.. Or u are never getting into one !! Universal Truth!'


Maybe the rules are changing. Also, the priorities. 
More importantly, the needs.
Most importantly, the realities!

Song of the moment : Smells Like Teen Spirit- Nirvana.
No. It has nothing to do with the post.

Day 06 - A letter to someone who has hurt you.

Hmm.

I don't do those anymore.They're so much more painful than what you feel when you're actually hurting.

Nevertheless, I think I would just like to say that I tried to think of a pretty and poetic way to say 'fuck you'; but I couldn't. 

So, Fuck You!

That'd be all.

Thank You!

P.S- I think the fact that you should burn in hell is a given, so I don't need to mention it here.

You smell like sweet red plums and grilled chesse sandwiches.

I like how the sense of smell was/is a running theme for us since forever.

"I like it when I smell of you."
"I hate it that you don't smell of me anymore."
"Remember how you used to like smelling of me?"
"You know when you hug me like that, I smell your hair."


We have said this and so much more to each other so many times.
Things have changed. You have changed. I know I have too.
But still,
you smell like sweet red plums and grilled cheese sandwich.


Remember how 'The Wedding Planner' was our movie because we tripped so much on this dialogue?

It's 'Lohri' today.
It was 'Lohri' that day.
It's funny how not much has changed; except that I was rather pleased with myself today, anyway.

The winters are getting less chilly now. It was easily 19 degrees today! :P

We should hug a lot more often.
Leaves me smiling for a very very very long time :) :) :)

I do not PMS

I just have this weird feeling of wanting to type in Italics. Italics is underrated, isn't it? It makes the world so pretty. Oh! And cursive handwriting in italics. Bliss.


I've always had a thing for good handwriting. It is such a turn on. Would you rather have someone with good handwriting tell you that he likes you simply or 

Let us, for the purposes of amusement, keep aside the sheer cheesiness of what is written. But the handwriting? How can anyone assume that they would ever be taken seriously if what they wanted to put across was written in that handwriting. Anyway, you know what I am fearing the most right now? 

That the guy who wrote this was to ever read my blog. He isn't too much of a reader, though. And we're 'almost friends' so it could also be a joke. 

Only, it's not.

Oh! Just for the record, it is not by a guy who has just hit puberty. A grown male of about 20years of existence behind him is the creator of this. 

Yes. I don't think it's funny either.

Anyway, my tattoo thing is happening, by all means, by the 20th of this month. I see how my policy, as it were, of 'let's get this over with' has managed to get me a looong looong way since the time of my first breath. I might be dead by then though, you know? Because of anticipating the pain.

Oh. And I was told yesterday that I PMS.  I do not!

I, most definitely, do not.

I almost took offence.

Also, my period for this month is OvUrrrrrrrrrr. I usually do not celebrate the event. But this time it was particularly bad and painful. SO ya.

Speaking of  OvUrrrrrrrrrr, my University Exams finish tomorrow. Needless to say, I am not prepared. In my defense, being a literature student makes me, by default, look down upon the likes of History and Sociology (my credit courses). For someone who did not particularly sweat it over the main papers, it would be a shame if I were to pay any attention to the subsidiary papers. So after the damn paper, we're going to celebrate at this super dingy 'rest-o-bar' place near where I stay. I am soo excited. It is our new 'discovery', as it were. 

Dingy, cheap booze, great food! It is a broke's paradise for a day out, if you ask me. If only they had a smoking zone. Sigh.

The day a girl can smoke on the streets of Delhi without everyone (not only looking but dropping their work and) staring at her, I would know the society has evolved; resolving prejudices. Plus it would make me really really happy. The other night, I made Jaya hold a lit cigarette in his hand while I smoked the one in mine, just to reduce the volumes of the staring as we smoked at night in a shady park. It only struck me later that 'girl-smoking-with-a-guy-at-night' doesn't exactly add up to 'ideal' either.

I am down with a cold too. This might be a problem because I see my drinking plans, in the shady place tomorrow, stand slightly sabotaged, if the condition persists. Being born to doctor parents, your health is least priority, contrary to popular belief. Hence, I am popping some pills that catch my eye. 

Medically Prescriptive? Unsure.

But I don't think it's fun any other way.

I am guessing this post has gone way ahead as compared to the word limit of my other posts. Hence, I shall conclude saying that after exams I am cooking a lot and drinking a lot.

Also, shopping till I am dropping.. almost!

That's the plan.

P.S- Sometimes I think 'spooning' is overrated. Yet, sometimes it's not. Mostly it is, though.

Okay. Bye.